Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,503

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Just landed via WeChat:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Making waves on Instagram:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Trending via WhatsApp:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like my life needs a "No Vacancy" sign for unexpected visitors 😂🚫🏠

annoyance, doing, humor, life, need, people, relationships, sarcasm, sometimes, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

0

2 months ago

bro, communication, conversation, ever, excuse, humor, just, life, media, phone, relationship, right, sarcasm, social, social media, technology, texting, time, using, whole
How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

0

2 months ago

anonymity, avoidance, boundary, desire, desire to disappear, disappear, escaping, escaping recognition, i, interaction, longer, me, people, personal, personal boundary, privacy, recognition, social, social avoidance, social interaction, someone, unknown, want, wanting, wanting to be unknown
Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

0

2 months ago

acknowledgment, giant, humor, ignore, ignoring, neglect, oversight, problem, procrastination, realization, surprise, thing, well
A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

0

2 months ago

comparison, entertainment, humor, love, relationship, shark, TV
A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

0

2 months ago

chips, eating, eating chips, entertainment, humor, increase, joke, real, smart, smart TV, snack, start, tech, tech humor, TV, volume
Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

0

2 months ago

bot, humor, murder, prove, solve

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

35 shares on X this month:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

86 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

100 shares on X this month:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Spotted on TikTok:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨