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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,231

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Going viral on X:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Seen just now on TikTok:

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

Spotted on Pinterest:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I need a day off from myself.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your phone's a magnet and maturity strikes at the wrong time 😂📱💬

actually, apology, back, communication, hand, humor, mature, maturity, phone, relationship, sorry, texting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

0

2 months ago

every, humor, i, perspective, sarcasm, screenshots, sides, story, storytelling
It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

0

2 months ago

1983, ancient, ancient Greece, Florida, greece, historical, historical reference, humor, Jason, name, name humor, origin, reference, sounds, wild, word, word origin
Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

0

2 weeks ago

annoyance, before, Christmas, communication, email, ghost, holiday, humor, me, much, need, quit
I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

0

2 months ago

back, belief, believe, clock, forgetfulness, forgot, funny situation, God, going, guys, hour, humor, i, next, next hour, oh, situation, stuff, surprise, time, turn
The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, blow-dryer, convenience, free, frustration, hotel, humor, travel
We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

0

2 months ago

comedy, disorderly, drunk, fun, humor, pairing, relationship, together

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

14 shares on X this month:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

24 shares on Threads this month:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

60 shares on X this month:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Live now on Instagram:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Broadcasted on Slack:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Freshly posted on X:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Broadcasted on Slack:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Breaking via Discord:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨