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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,758

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Shared recently on X:

I’ve successfully reduced phone time by looking at computer more.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Saying “This reminds me of my early work,” as I walk past a Rothko.

Making waves on Slack:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Making waves on TikTok:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Making waves on Reddit:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Shared recently on Threads:

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

3 days ago

Witty text highlighting humorous reflection on poor choices this year.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Introducing 'Life Wrapped: reliving all your questionable life choices from the past year! 🙈🔥 Whether it's that regrettable haircut, questionable fashion trend, or that time you hit reply-all by accident, this playlist has got it all. Get ready to cringe and laugh your way through #LifeWrapped2021! 😂🎉"

bad, bad decision, decision, decisions, humor, mistakes, recap, reflection, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, wrapped, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

32 shares on X this month:

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Dance like China isn’t watching.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Going viral on Reddit:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Just landed via Slack:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Making waves on Reddit:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

Just landed via Twitch:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Trending via Reddit:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Shared recently on Twitch:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

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