Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,612

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Shared recently on Reddit:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Just shared via Slack:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Just shared via Facebook:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
I'm all in for this emotional rollercoaster of optimism and pessimism! 🎢😅🤞

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

0

2 months ago

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I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

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2 months ago

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Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, alien, aubrey, Aubrey Plaza, celebrity, comedy, culture, Earth, famous, humor, leave, observation, plaza, pop, pop culture, study, us
Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

0

2 months ago

30, adult, age, caffeine, coffee, free, humor, joke, just, over, over 30, should
Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

0

1 week ago

asking, communication, conversation, dating, end, flirting, humor, joke, just, relationship, sex, woman, women
Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

0

2 months ago

activity, conflict, friendship, frolicking, fun, interaction, me, playful, violently

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Discord this month:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Aura is the real business card.

Breaking via Instagram:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Going bananas on Threads:

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Going viral on Twitch:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Just shared via WeChat:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Going viral on Slack:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨