Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Making waves on Slack:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Live now on Instagram:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Live now on Snapchat:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Just shared via Telegram:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Spotted on Instagram:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Interrupting his spiritual cleanse with a simple "New Year, who dis?" 😜🎉📱

happy, Happy New Year, healing, humor, interrupt, interruption, new, process, relationship, texting, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

0

2 months ago

anyone, ChatGPT, else, heart, heart surgery, humor, issue, medical, medical humor, middle, online, online outage, outage, surgeon, surgery, technical, technical issue, technology, technology humor
How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

0

2 weeks ago

fitness, humor, joke, keep, longer, much, Pilates, pretend, pretending, sex, thing
No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

0

2 months ago

appointment, before, dental, flossing, health, humor, motivation, routine, self-care, start, time, timing
Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, food, girl, girlfriend, love
Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

0

4 weeks ago

across, book, brain, character, character name, characters, coming, confusion, every, humor, just, know, name, pronounce, pronunciation, reading, rest, time
An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

0

2 months ago

annoying, computer, email, frustration, humor, return, store, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

75 shares on Threads this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Making waves on Reddit:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Going bananas on Telegram:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Live now on Snapchat:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Spotted on X:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨