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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

775 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,937

Funny Quotes Topics

13,911

Funny Quotes Images

10,937

15 minutes ago

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Just landed via Facebook:

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Just shared via Instagram:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Seen just now on X:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Making waves on WeChat:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Spotted on Discord:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

3 months ago

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

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Commentary:
🤵👀👰 The classic case of motherly mixed feelings — caught between being proud of your son and feeling slightly overlooked at the same time! Don't worry, Mom, you still hold a special place in his heart. Just remember, all eyes might be on the bride, but your son will always be your little boy! 💕 #MotherOfTheGroomDilemma

all eyes, awkward, awkward moment, bride, eyes, family, groom, humor, moment, son, wedding

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

775 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,937

Funny Quotes Topics

13,911

Funny Quotes Images

10,937

15 minutes ago

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Making waves on Twitch:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

Going viral on TikTok:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Reported on YouTube:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Seen just now on Discord:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Just landed via Reddit:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

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