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Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Adulthood is just saying “it is what it is,” and then crying in your car to a song from 2012.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

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Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

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Feb 3, 2026

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Making waves on TikTok:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Making waves on Discord:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Just shared via WeChat:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Spotted on X:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Seen just now on Threads:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Live now on Slack:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Just shared via X:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about mall bourbon chicken tasting better on a toothpick.

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Commentary:
That bourbon chicken should come with a toothpick tasting certificate to maintain its magical powers! 🥢🐔✨

bourbon, bourbon chicken, chicken, disappointment, food, food disappointment, food taste, good, i, mall, mall food, only, order, same, swear, taste, toothpick

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90 shares on Pinterest this month:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

40 shares on TikTok this month:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

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Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Shared recently on Threads:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Going viral on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Just shared via Reddit:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Going viral on Twitch:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Going viral on YouTube:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Making waves on Twitch:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

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That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

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Activity Log ✨

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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