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Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Just landed via TikTok:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Breaking via X:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Freshly posted on Slack:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Spotted on Threads:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Shared recently on Slack:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Just landed via Threads:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Going bananas on Twitch:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about mall bourbon chicken tasting better on a toothpick.

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Commentary:
That bourbon chicken should come with a toothpick tasting certificate to maintain its magical powers! 🥢🐔✨

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91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

65 shares on X this month:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

99 shares on X this month:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Japanese Latina catgirl be like ña.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Making waves on Threads:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Just shared via Threads:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Just landed via WeChat:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Going viral on Messenger:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

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Activity Log ✨

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨