Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Making waves on Facebook:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Spotted on Discord:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Making waves on Telegram:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Making waves on Discord:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

6 months ago

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well… If reading 52 books a year is what it takes to become a CEO, sign me up! 📚💼 But let's be real, who has the time for all that reading when you're too busy running the show? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe we should all start aiming for that corner office so we can finally catch up on our reading goals too! 📈📖 #CEOgoals

average, books, CEO, else, humor, nothing, productivity, reading, sarcasm, time, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Twitch:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Just shared via Instagram:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Just landed via Slack:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Trending via Facebook:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Going viral on Discord:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Spotted on Reddit:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All fights retarded. 🤪

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴