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"Who needs a doctor's prescription when you have a bottle full of sugar-coated intelligence pills? 🤓💊 Warning: may cause sudden bursts of brilliance and questionable decision-making 😂 #SweetSmartiesAntics"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

Just shared via Messenger:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Just landed via Instagram:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Making waves on X:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Making waves on Reddit:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Live now on Discord:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

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The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

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My first mistake of my life was my birth.

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Earth is hard.

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I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

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I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

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The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

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