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Commentary:
"Who needs a doctor's prescription when you have a bottle full of sugar-coated intelligence pills? 🤓💊 Warning: may cause sudden bursts of brilliance and questionable decision-making 😂 #SweetSmartiesAntics"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

0

2 months ago

coping, escapism, humor, just, order, reality, restraining, restraining order, sarcasm, wit
Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

0

2 months ago

addicted, addiction, humor, irony, joke, me, plot, plot twist, surprise, twist, weed
Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

0

2 months ago

A/C, day, everyone, fingers, humor, images, need, people, power, turn
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, humor, i, necessity, newspaper, newspapers, old, paper, pun, ran, resourcefulness, rough, rough times, start, times, toilet, toilet paper
I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

0

2 months ago

analogy, anxious, back, deep, depth, humor, i, inside, layers, myself, onion, peel, personality, self-perception, smaller, think
Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

0

2 months ago

apple, apples, bad, blueberry, delicious, disgusting, Doritos, every, food, food humor, fruit, great, humor, inconsistency, know, problem, same, snack, sometimes, taste, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

54 shares on Instagram this month:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

89 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Just landed via X:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Just shared via YouTube:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Just shared via Messenger:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Going bananas on Messenger:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Going viral on Discord:

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

Spotted on Instagram:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨