The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.