The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

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Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

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For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

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I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

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My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

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Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

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The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

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If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

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Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.