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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,295

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Shared recently on Threads:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Going viral on Threads:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Just shared via TikTok:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Making waves on Twitch:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

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The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.
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Commentary:
"When the king of the jungle applies for a job, he skips the paperwork and just roars 🦁📄🎤!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on WeChat this month:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

81 shares on Threads this month:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

77 shares on Slack this month:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

34 shares on Messenger this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

83 shares on Threads this month:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

71 shares on X this month:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Men are very good at being women lately.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,521

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

Just landed via Reddit:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Just shared via Telegram:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Making waves on Discord:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

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