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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,653

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Live now on Threads:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Breaking via Facebook:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Just landed via Instagram:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Making waves on Facebook:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Just landed via TikTok:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Just landed via Snapchat:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Just landed via X:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Going viral on Facebook:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about Darth Vader losing his temper at work with a humorous office scene.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, yes, the infamous staff meeting that no one dares to forget! 😂 Darth Vader really showed his true management style with that forceful display of frustration. It seems like the dark side of the Force wasn't just about battling Jedi, but also about dealing with difficult colleagues. 🌌💼 May the HR department be with you!

choke, choking, cool, coworker, culture, darth, Darth Vader, force, humor, lost, meeting, pop, pop culture, scene, sci-fi, staff, staff meeting, star, Star Wars, used, vader, wars, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

61 shares on X this month:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

35 shares on X this month:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,631

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Going bananas on Discord:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Making waves on Twitch:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

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