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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,896

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Just shared via Telegram:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Just shared via Instagram:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Going viral on TikTok:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Finally reached the level where caffeine's the only conversation starter I need ☕🤫🤣

aging, coffee, humor, i, introversion, love, me, morning, older, routine, solitude, speaking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

4 weeks ago

3, after, afternoon, daylight, forgot, funny observation, i, just, night, November, observation, time, weird
Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

1 month ago

confidence, growth, humor, me, motivation, nobody, personal, personal growth, self-criticism, self-deprecation, shot, take
Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

1 month ago

bathroom, diarrhea, escape, escape room, funny situation, humor, joke, room, situation, unexpected, urgency
Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

1 month ago

argument, babe, bait, communication, conversation, humor, i, misunderstanding, okay, partner, playful, relationship
It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

1 month ago

activity, behavior, cat, feeling, fun, fun activity, good, good feeling, head, playful, playful behavior, ram
There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

1 month ago

bouncer, emotions, heart, humor, little, love, room, still, stricter, year’s

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Just shared via Reddit:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Spotted on Messenger:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Shared recently on Threads:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Trending via YouTube:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

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Activity Log ✨

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

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The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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