Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,698

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Just landed via Threads:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Spotted on YouTube:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Spotted on Threads:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Just shared via Telegram:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Making waves on WeChat:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Trending via Threads:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Just landed via Slack:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally reached the level where caffeine's the only conversation starter I need ☕🤫🤣

aging, coffee, humor, i, introversion, love, me, morning, older, routine, solitude, speaking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

0

2 months ago

automation, car, cars, fear, flush, humor, me, reservations, self-driving, self-driving car, technology, toilet, toilets
Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

0

2 months ago

chronological, chronological order, follow, follower, humor, idea, Instagram, media, only, order, people, post, posts, shows, social, social media, startup
The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

0

2 months ago

completion, done, fact, humor, i, irony, job, motivation, procrastinate, procrastination, productivity, reason, self-awareness, still, task, task completion, work
I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

0

1 month ago

6, 6 p.m., air, around, call, energy, feel, funny observation, i, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, observation, p.m., remote, remote work, Sunday, swear, Teams, video, video call, work, work meeting
This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

0

5 months ago

going, hell, humor, invisible, joke, media, only, post, secret, social, social media, spooky
Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

0

3 months ago

dating, humor, nice, relationship, seems, speaking, vaginal

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Discord this month:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

100 shares on Facebook this month:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

96 shares on X this month:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Spotted on YouTube:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Spotted on Telegram:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Going viral on Telegram:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨