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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,047

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Making waves on Telegram:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Just landed via X:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Spotted on Slack:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally found my true calling: forest life coach for squirrels! 🌲🐿️🗣️"

aging, escape, humor, i, live, loneliness, nature, older, people, solitude, squirrels, talk, understand, understanding, why, woods

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

2 months ago
cleverness, common, common sense, fruit, fruit salad, humor, knowledge, salad, sense, tomato, wisdom
When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

2 months ago
again, door, humor, just, life, logic, open, optimism, perspective, problem-solving, work
I’m the ick in fantastic.

1 month ago
contradiction, fantastic, humor, ick, personality, self-deprecation
If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

1 month ago
advice, back, early, enough, everyone, hours, humor, knows, secret, sleep, wake, wake up
If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

1 month ago
alert, blinky, blinky light, direction, drivers, humor, light, lights, little, traffic, turn, vehicle
Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

4 months ago
anime, care, deodorant, even, humor, hygiene, man, personal, personal care, still, wear

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Just shared via X:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Just shared via WeChat:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Breaking via TikTok:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

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Activity Log ✨

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

I’m the ick in fantastic.

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

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The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

I’m the ick in fantastic.

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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