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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the clock strikes midnight, my inner Cinderella trades the glass slipper for a credit card 💳🕛💸

humor, just, me, midnight, money, night, night owl, online, online shopping, owl, real, shopping, shopping spree, spending, spree

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

0

2 months ago

apology, attitude, gangster, humor, interaction, say, saying, saying sorry, social, social interaction, sorry, toughness
Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

0

2 months ago

age, children, dental, humor, milk, new, older, teeth, useful, usefulness, wisdom
Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

0

2 months ago

14th, couple, day, expensive, getting, home, hotel, hotel room, humor, people, position, positions, relationship, room, rooms, same, sex, sex position, shout, travel, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day
I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

0

2 months ago

add, budgeting, expenses, finance, having, humor, i, irony, manage, management, money, money management, myself, pride, proud, self, self pride, still
I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

0

2 months ago

age, am, away, box, clutter, decision making, hoarding, humor, i, nice, perspective, question, sentimentality, storage, throwing, where
I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

0

2 months ago

age, am, decay, humor, i, life, old, perspective, prime, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

I suffer from awesomnia.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

79 shares on X this month:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

56 shares on Twitch this month:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Shared recently on X:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Going bananas on Discord:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Shared recently on Slack:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨