Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Word on the street is, the real race against time begins once you start struggling to gracefully enter and exit your sports car… 🚗💨 At that point, it's more of a 'grunt and go' situation! 😆 #LifeGoals"

aging, before, car, enjoyment, fun, getting, getting in, getting out, humor, life, priorities, sports, sports car, trick

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

0

2 months ago

butt, Facebook, humor, i, kiss, me, media, power, relationship, restricted, social, social media, unfriended
My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

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2 months ago

direction, drunk, gardening, growing, humor, nature, plant, silliness
Sane is boring.

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2 months ago

boring, fun, humor, personality, sane
I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

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2 months ago

dream, humor, i, joke, relationship, sarcasm, stupid, wit
How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

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2 months ago

communication, conflict, die, fire, humor, i, irony, respect, sarcasm, someone, tell
I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

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5 months ago

apology, awkward, awkward moment, clothes, flirting, funny phrase, humor, i, line, moment, phrase, pickup, pickup line, said, sexy, sexy time, sorry, still, time, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Threads this month:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

46 shares on YouTube this month:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

50 shades of single.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Seen just now on TikTok:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Just shared via Threads:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Going viral on WhatsApp:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Seen just now on Twitch:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Shared recently on Discord:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Sane is boring.

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨