Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

25 is the new 0 years old.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,676

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Trending via Pinterest:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Spotted on Twitch:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Freshly posted on X:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Broadcasted on Discord:

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

Making waves on WeChat:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Marriage: where two people can take turns being the 'smart one' and the 'dumb one' 🤪🧠 That's the beauty of teamwork, right? 😂💍"

best, best part, humor, marriage, partner, relationship, something, stupid, worst, worst part

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

0

2 months ago

bottom, coffee, food, free, free sandwich, give, hit, hitting, hitting bottom, humor, i, life, life struggles, me, rock, rock bottom, sandwich, should, struggles
Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

0

2 months ago

commitment, comparison, humor, love, people, relationship, stay, time, toilet
Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

0

2 months ago

blocked, dating, dorito, humor, me, neato, pringle, quirkiness, relationship, single, someone
It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

0

2 months ago

effort, exercise, humor, laziness, nap, need, relaxation, steps, tired
Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, course, fitness, fitness joke, humor, image, joke, ready, same, sarcasm, self-deprecating, summer, summer body, summer humor, sweat, winter, winter body, winter humor
I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

0

2 months ago

humor, humor humor, i, joke, messages, mixed, nuts, playful, pun, snack, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Discord this month:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Making waves on Slack:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Going viral on Messenger:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Breaking via Threads:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Going viral on Discord:

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

Just shared via Twitch:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Making waves on X:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Trending via Discord:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Seen just now on Discord:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨