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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,933

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Breaking via YouTube:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Just landed via Discord:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Marriage: where two people can take turns being the 'smart one' and the 'dumb one' 🤪🧠 That's the beauty of teamwork, right? 😂💍"

best, best part, humor, marriage, partner, relationship, something, stupid, worst, worst part

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

1 month ago
connection, contact, distraction, essential, eye, eye contact, finding, humor, meetings, person, strategy, stupid, survival, workplace
Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

1 month ago
feetish, fetish, foot, humor, just, pun, should, wordplay
Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

1 month ago
activity, coming, corner, escape, event, found, fun, fun activity, hide, hiding, humor, i, lights, noise, party, social, social event, us
I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

1 month ago
clothes, exhausted, fashion, frazzled, humor, idea, model, real, real idea, relatable, self-image, website
Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

1 month ago
date, groom, humor, humor quote, invitation, joke, me, social, wedding
80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

1 month ago
argument, arguments, eaten, food, humor, hunger, mood, patience, relationship, someone, start

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Trending via TikTok:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Making waves on Reddit:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Freshly posted on Threads:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

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The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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