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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

36 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Shared recently on Discord:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

6 months ago

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

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Commentary:
Ah, the good ol' innocent game of ding-dong-ditch 🚪🏃‍♂️ has certainly evolved in modern times! Now, if you hear a knock on your door and find no one there, don't be too quick to blame mischievous kids – it might just be your friendly neighborhood Amazon driver on a stealthy delivery mission! 📦🕵️‍♂️ Just make sure to check for your package before chasing after them

Amazon, away, being, childhood, days, delivery, different, doors, driver, game, humor, knocking, names, play, running, used

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

36 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Reported on Twitch:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Seen just now on Threads:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

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