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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,898

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

Spotted on Messenger:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my phone's on Do Not Disturb even in dreams! 📵😴😂

dream, ever, funny observation, humor, observation, phone, reason, sleep, technology, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

1 month ago

anthropologist, booth, cultural, dj, humor, i, music, only, party, yes
Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

2 months ago

doll, funny request, humor, money, pants, playful, pocket, pop, put, quirky, request, voodoo, voodoo doll
Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

1 month ago

annoyance, car, humor, marry, mirror, relationship, seat, size
In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

1 month ago

20s, 40s, adulthood, age, changes, expectations, humor, i, just, life, life changes, love, me, relationships, toaster, true, true love, want
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

2 months ago

cubicle, employee, employee handbook, handbook, humor, i, life, me, noise, office, office life, show, weird, weird noise, where, workplace, workplace humor
I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

1 month ago

back, bed, bedtime, discomfort, exhausted, exhaustion, humor, i, insomnia, relatable, sleep, sore, sore back, terrible, tiredness, wait, wake

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Going viral on Instagram:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Going viral on YouTube:

Just landed via Messenger:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Making waves on Telegram:

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

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There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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