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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,752

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Spotted on Messenger:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Just shared via Messenger:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Live now on Slack:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Spotted on Slack:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Making waves on WeChat:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Spotted on Twitch:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about cooking theft, highlighting how flavor can't be copied exactly.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When they try to recreate your sauce but end up with ketchup soup instead! 🍅🤦‍♂️😂"

betrayal, cooking, flavor, food, humor, kitchen, recipe, same, sauce, steal, taste, theft

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34 shares on WeChat this month:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

73 shares on Threads this month:

I am thick and tired.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

91 shares on Threads this month:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Earth is hard.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

Spotted on Threads:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Breaking via Instagram:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Trending via WeChat:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Just shared via Threads:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Breaking via Reddit:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Going viral on Messenger:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

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Activity Log ✨

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

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Activity Log ✨

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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