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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,821

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

Live now on X:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Going viral on TikTok:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Just shared via X:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Spotted on Facebook:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just sprinkle some espresso into the holy water, it's the perfect blend of caffeine and blessings ☕️💦 #DivineAwakening"

addiction, caffeine, coffee, coffee addiction, coffee joke, holy, holy water, humor, i, joke, morning, morning routine, need, routine, think, water, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

0

2 months ago

bake, cooking, expectations, future, generations, grandma, humor, stereotypes, tattoo
I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

0

2 months ago

ask, exercise, fitness, frustration, going, gym, humor, i, months, results, sign, sign up, still, weekend
Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

0

4 months ago

after, apology, car, driving, ever, hit, humor, personification, pothole
I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

0

2 months ago

chores, doing, humor, i, laundry, me, no one, procrastination, relatable
The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

0

2 months ago

back, best, breakfast, diet, food, humor, lifestyle, me, procrastination, sleep, stick, straight
Double chins are better than double faces.

0

2 months ago

better, body, body positivity, chin, double, double chin, double face, face, faces, humor, positivity, self-image

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

93 shares on X this month:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

57 shares on Messenger this month:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

I must retire to my chambers about this.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Just landed via WeChat:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Shared recently on Discord:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Spotted on Instagram:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Spotted on Discord:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Double chins are better than double faces.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨