Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

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You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

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Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

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I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

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Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

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Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

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What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

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It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.