Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,241

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Breaking via X:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Just landed via Reddit:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Shared recently on TikTok:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Going viral on Telegram:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Shared recently on Twitch:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Congratulations on achieving cable immortality! 🎉👏 It's like finding the Holy Grail of tech! 🏆🔌

accomplishment, applaud, box, cable, cables, electronics, humor, i, patience, please, procrastination, storage, technology, today, used, vintage, wire

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

0

2 months ago

accidents, couple, curbs, drive, driving, frustration, hit, humor, perspective, take, trash, trash can
It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

0

2 months ago

beginning, Christmas, cost, expense, festive, holiday, humor, lot, season
My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

0

2 months ago

9, around, estimate, going, home, humor, i, job, jobs, money, night, plan, quit, relationship, run, tonight, travel, well, wife
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

0

2 months ago

furniture, humor, irony, joke, living, own, sell, trouble
It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

0

2 months ago

backwards, double, double meaning, humor, ironic, irony, joke, language, language joke, meaning, parts, playful, pun, reverse, reverse spelling, spelling, spells, wordplay
Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

0

2 months ago

clueless, committed, humor, self-deprecating, vibe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on X this month:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Just landed via YouTube:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Just shared via Twitch:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Going viral on Pinterest:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Just shared via Snapchat:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Live now on Messenger:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Going bananas on Telegram:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Trending via Twitch:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨