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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,300

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

Trending via Messenger:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Making waves on TikTok:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Just shared via Pinterest:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Shared recently on YouTube:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Is it possible to file a complaint with the calendar committee? 🤔 This week needs a serious quality check! 📅🤣"

confusion, ever, Friday, history, humor, irony, misday, mistaken, Monday, Thursday, today, Wednesday, weekday

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86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

45 shares on X this month:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Shared recently on Slack:

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Spotted on TikTok:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Spreading quickly via X:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Just shared via Discord:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

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Activity Log ✨

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Keep the laugh going 😂

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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