Someone from has bookmarked:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Someone from has viewed:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Someone from has downloaded:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

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The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Someone from has viewed:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Someone from has viewed:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Someone from has bookmarked:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from has shared:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Someone from has shared:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.