Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”