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Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

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Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Seen just now on WeChat:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Making waves on X:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Trending via Threads:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

5 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote comparing Twitter to a mental hospital with everyone thinking they're sane.

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Commentary:
"Twitter: where everyone is the self-appointed doctor in a room full of patients! 🤪💬 #SocialMediaSanity"

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21 shares on Discord this month:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

33 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

13 shares on Facebook this month:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

79 shares on X this month:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

88 shares on X this month:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Just landed via X:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Just shared via TikTok:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Just landed via Reddit:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Spotted on YouTube:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

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Activity Log ✨

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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