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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,571

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Just shared via Reddit:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Going viral on Facebook:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Going viral on X:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Brain's out of snacks again! 🍿🤔 Guess it's time to restock on wisdom! 📚😅

alert, brain, emptiness, empty, health, humor, mental, mental health, stomach, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

0

2 months ago

comedy, frustration, hate, humor, i, irony, parody, reality, satire
I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

0

2 months ago

comfort, couch, give, humor, i, just, lazy, love, relax, self-care
Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

0

4 weeks ago

babe, communication, humor, manic, manic thought, media, relationship, social, social media, thought, thoughts, today, tweet, wrong
First World War. Kind of nervous.

0

2 months ago

first world war, history, humor, joke, kind, nervous, war, world
My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

0

2 months ago

activity, change, doing, goal, growth, humor, new, new year, personal, personal growth, resolution, Resolutions, stop, things, time, year
They expect me to work at work.

0

2 months ago

expectation, humor, irony, me, office, productivity, sarcasm, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on X this month:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

My recliner and I go way back.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

95 shares on Slack this month:

Easy there, unsaved number.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

26 shares on Facebook this month:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Just landed via YouTube:

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Just landed via Telegram:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Just landed via Telegram:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Going bananas on Messenger:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Breaking via Messenger:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Making waves on Facebook:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

First World War. Kind of nervous.

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

They expect me to work at work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨