Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

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Double chins are better than double faces.

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No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

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I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

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I need to start hiding my money from myself.

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Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

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Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

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In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

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Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

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Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

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Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.