UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

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My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

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Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

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I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

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“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

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For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that?

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I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

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I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.