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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,243

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Seen just now on Slack:

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Seen just now on X:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Just landed via Telegram:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Spotted on TikTok:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Live now on Slack:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

Live now on Pinterest:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Going viral on Reddit:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Winning at UNO: the fine line between being a genius strategist 🧠 and just having the luck of the draw 🎲🔥!

card, card game, game, genius, humor, i, luck, strategy, UNO, win, winning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

0

2 months ago

18th, 18th century, casual, century, devotion, eternal, fall, i, love, relationship, vampire
I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

0

2 months ago

coffee, drinking, humor, i, mean, mean things, sarcasm, say, self-control, things, welcome
I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal friend, Cinderella, fairy, fairy tale, friend, friends, happy, happy life, i, independence, life, makeup, man, relationship, shoe, should, tale, think, try
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

0

5 months ago

cooking, hatred, here, humor, imagination, imagine, indifference, just, looking, me, over, recipe, soup, soup recipe
The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

0

2 months ago

always, appreciation, art, bench, humor, i, most, museum, painting, paintings, relaxation
“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

0

2 months ago

billiards, favorite, favorite hole, favourite, game, hole, humor, i, me, playful, playful remark, pool, pool table, remark, sport, table

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

41 shares on Slack this month:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

70 shares on Threads this month:

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Breaking via X:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

Trending via WeChat:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Going viral on Reddit:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨