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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,589

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Shared recently on Threads:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Breaking via Telegram:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Breaking via Reddit:

Dear Santa, Money!

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

2 months ago

0

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, waffles – the ultimate syrup containment system disguised as a breakfast treat! 🥞🍁 Who knew that a few strategically placed boxes could make such a difference in the syrup-to-bite ratio? It's like a sweet, savory engineering masterpiece in every bite! 🧇🤣

breakfast, convenience, culinary, food, food humor, hold, humor, just, pancake, pancakes, syrup, waffle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, clearance, gift, humor, i, late, present, procrastination, scraping, sorry, tag
Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, big, bonk, comparison, feels, funny comparison, hammer, head, moment, music, music recognition, public, recognition, same, Shazam, song, taking, yourself
Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad boy, boy, boys, butler, fix, girl, good, good girl, humor, i, just, me, monkey, relationship, rumbustious, want
This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

0

2 months ago

blend, fun, having, life, losing, me, mind, perfect, time, year
Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

0

2 months ago

fitness, girlfriend, gym, humor, irony, joke, rat, relationship
My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

0

2 months ago

able, account, career, career goal, delete, detox, digital, digital detox, goal, humor, job, just, LinkedIn, media, online, online presence, point, presence, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

48 shares on Threads this month:

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

26 shares on Discord this month:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

31 shares on Threads this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,577

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Going viral on YouTube:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Making waves on YouTube:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Shared recently on Facebook:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Live now on Threads:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Live now on TikTok:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Seen just now on Threads:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Trending via WhatsApp:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

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