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Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

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๐ŸŒžโ˜•๏ธ Uh oh, looks like waking up is playing hard to get with you. It's like your alarm clock is saying, "Nice try, snooze master!" ๐Ÿ˜„ Maybe it's time to negotiate a better morning routine… or just hit that snooze button one last time! โฐ๐Ÿ’ค



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Iโ€™m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

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Iโ€™ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

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I used to work at McDonaldโ€™s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

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