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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Breaking via Facebook:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Spotted on Facebook:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Just landed via Twitch:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

2 months ago

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This is how I imagine curators feel every day: "Monet? Banger. Van Gogh? Total banger." 🎨😂

after, around, art, art critique, art museum, banger, casual, casual talk, critique, expression, humor, museum, museum visit, painting, saying, slang, talk, verbal, verbal expression, visit, walking

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89 shares on Threads this month:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

71 shares on TikTok this month:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

77 shares on Discord this month:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Just landed via YouTube:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Just landed via Discord:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Live now on Twitch:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

Just shared via Facebook:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

Seen just now on Discord:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Trending via Messenger:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

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Activity Log ✨

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

Keep the laugh going 😂

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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