Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Jan 5, 2026

3,613

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Trending via YouTube:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Just shared via Messenger:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Spotted on X:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Just shared via Discord:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

6 months ago

0

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
This brings back memories of mastering the fine art of clandestine paper-folding 😎🕵️‍♀️📄✍️

class, deep, folding, humor, message, note, notes, origami, pass, school, secret, secret message, Shakespeare, spy, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

0

3 months ago

asking, card, confusion, customer, customers, humor, me, payment, say, shit
I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, being, dude, gym, hate, humor, i, nap, sleep, treadmill, used, waking, workout
Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

0

2 months ago

anyone, doctor, drinking, ever, gynecologist, humor, pepper, puns, wordplay
Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

0

5 months ago

another, career, communication, humor, job, know, one-sided, pursuit, relationship, work
I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

0

2 months ago

bed, broke, broken, chaos, family, humor, i, kids, mirror, motherhood, parenting, sleep, water
Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

0

5 months ago

call, Christmas, enough, exhaustion, farewell, holiday, humor, merry, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

83 shares on Discord this month:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Absurdity is the spice of life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Making waves on Threads:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Trending via Discord:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Just shared via Facebook:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Seen just now on X:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Shared recently on Instagram:

All I think about is death and sex.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Just shared via Messenger:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴