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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Live now on Discord:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Just shared via WeChat:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Making waves on Discord:

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

Just shared via YouTube:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Spotted on Threads:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Breaking via Twitch:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Trending via Instagram:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Just shared via YouTube:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting office bureaucracy with a humorous twist on problem-solving.

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Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic 'Let's make changes and hope they don't notice' technique. A bold strategy, indeed! 🤣🤷‍♂️ #ProblemSolving101"

before, changes, communication, elegant, Friday, hear, humor, problems, solution, solve, work, work humor

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Threads this month:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

10 shares on Discord this month:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

10 shares on Instagram this month:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

75 shares on Discord this month:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Going viral on Slack:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Freshly posted on Threads:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Going viral on TikTok:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Making waves on X:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Making waves on WeChat:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

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Activity Log ✨

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Keep the laugh going 😂

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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