Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Don’t come to my house unannounced; I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.