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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Just landed via Twitch:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Just landed via Threads:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

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Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.
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Commentary:
When Tuesday hits harder than a weekend bender 🥴🍕💤

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

49 shares on Discord this month:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

49 shares on Slack this month:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

90 shares on Instagram this month:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,584

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Spotted on Twitch:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Just landed via Discord:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Going viral on Messenger:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Breaking via Telegram:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

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