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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has shared:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has viewed:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has copied:

β€œI’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has downloaded:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Live now on Snapchat:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Just shared via YouTube:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Broadcasted on X:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Just landed via Instagram:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Going bananas on X:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Going viral on YouTube:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Trending via Twitch:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

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What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.
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Commentary:
Experiencing history 2.0: now with extra memes and less gladiators πŸ›οΈπŸ˜‚πŸ“±

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Messenger this month:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be β€œadults” with β€œresponsibilities”.

23 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

68 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

“AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

18 shares on Threads this month:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡― has viewed:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has bookmarked:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has shared:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has viewed:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has viewed:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Instagram:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Making waves on WeChat:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, β€œthink twice, adventurer.”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Spotted on X:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Shared recently on Slack:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Trending via WeChat:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Shared recently on Threads:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Seen just now on X:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

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