Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Just landed via Slack:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Going viral on Telegram:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Live now on Snapchat:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Seen just now on Slack:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Freshly posted on X:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs whitening strips when you've got the sun on speed dial? 😎🌞 #TeethSoBrightICarryShades"

beauty, getting, humor, irony, self-care, skincare, tan, tanning, teeth, teeth whitening, whitening

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

0

2 months ago

communication, conversation, expectations, humor, i, noticed, observation, relationship, saying, want
Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

0

2 months ago

30, comparison, elevator, expectation, humor, life, minutes, movy, real, real life, reality, ride, time
A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

0

2 months ago

away, daily, daily routine, day, doctor, food, garlic, health, humor, routine, wellness
Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

0

2 months ago

car, car doctor, cause, crazy, doctor, having, humor, joke, maintenance, take, vehicle, vehicle maintenance
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

0

2 months ago

car, death, die, grandfather, humor, irony, passenger, peaceful, screaming, sleep, want
Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

0

2 months ago

cool, cool evening, emotional, emotional tension, evening, everyone, humor, interaction, irony, just, lot, man, otherwise, resentment, sarcasm, social, social interaction, tension

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve been blocked by better.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

96 shares on Threads this month:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

67 shares on Discord this month:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

51 shares on Slack this month:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Trending via Facebook:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

Making waves on Slack:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Broadcasted on Discord:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Going viral on WeChat:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Making waves on Messenger:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Just landed via Telegram:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨