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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Going bananas on WeChat:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Making waves on WeChat:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Going viral on WeChat:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

0
Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.
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Commentary:
Looks like someone is not a fan of the month of love feeling shortchanged! 😆 Who needs a longer February when we can have more opportunities for chocolates and flowers, am I right? 🍫💐 But seriously, poor February getting picked on like this! 🗓️ #JusticeForFebruary

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

11 shares on Slack this month:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

69 shares on Discord this month:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,387

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Making waves on Reddit:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Going viral on TikTok:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Just shared via Threads:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Making waves on X:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

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