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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

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3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Just shared via Slack:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Breaking via Facebook:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Just landed via Twitch:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Just shared via TikTok:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I don’t understand why banks get so mad when you can’t pay back your loan. You already knew I had no money when I came to borrow it.

Making waves on Discord:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Why do DJs always act like their knobs are hot?

3 hours ago

Playful text about DJs joking that their knobs are hot, humorous and witty.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Turning those knobs like they're handling a volcano on a disco floor! 🔥🎛️😎

act, always, dj, funny question, hot, humor, knob, music, question, why

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60 shares on Snapchat this month:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

24 shares on X this month:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

Making waves on Discord:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Just shared via Instagram:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Just shared via Telegram:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do DJs always act like their knobs are hot?

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do DJs always act like their knobs are hot?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨