Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,354

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Going viral on Messenger:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Going viral on Messenger:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Spotted on TikTok:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Just shared via Discord:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Seen just now on Threads:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the Earth turns out to be a skatepark for cats, I'm ready! 🛹🐱🌍

belief, care, conspiracy, Earth, earther, flat, Flat Earther, humor, much, question, skepticism, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

0

1 week ago

bet, couple, feels, humor, i, incredible, irony, medieval, pain, rack, relief, seconds, sensation, stretcher, torture, where
If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

0

2 months ago

belief, humor, joke, magic, me, money, payment, put, rid, scam, send, someone, spell, think
That one British friend that’s too bloke.

0

2 months ago

bloke, British, culture, friend, humor, personality, stereotype, too
The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

0

2 months ago

date, done, honesty, humor, punctuality, relationship, thing, turn
Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

0

2 months ago

battery, begging, death, die, hate, humor, iPhone, life, quiet, should, start, technology
I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

0

2 months ago

am, artificial, authentic, authenticity, humor, i, intelligence, irony, opposite, self-deprecation, stupidity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

41 shares on Discord this month:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Just shared via X:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Going bananas on Messenger:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Just landed via Slack:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Shared recently on Discord:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Making waves on X:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Going bananas on TikTok:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨