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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,975

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Spotted on Facebook:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Breaking via Telegram:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Breaking via Facebook:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why bother with birthdays? They’re just annual reminders that men still can’t find matching socks! 🎉🧦🤦‍♂️

age, birthday, growing, growing up, humor, joke, life, man, men, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

5 months ago
activity, along, app, apps, base, baseball, baseball game, beer, dating, dating app, dog, dogs, drinking, eating, first base, game, hot, hot dog, humor, line, social, social activity, start, time, working
I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

4 weeks ago
assume, everyone, finds, fun, humor, i, insecurity, interaction, issues, lying, me, otherwise, sarcasm, self-doubt, skepticism, social, social interaction, tell, trust, trust issues, unattractive, unattractiveness
I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

1 month ago
activity, advanced, another, humor, i, observation, people, people-watch, spot, watch, watcher, watching
Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

1 month ago
birthday, boyfriend, gift, gift idea, God, humor, idea, love, maybe, me, relationship, single, wish, year
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

1 month ago
dead, funny observation, humor, i, just, mistake, observation, rug, spider, thought, yarn
…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

1 month ago
another, aspiration, disappointment, finance, humor, humor quote, irony, me, money, rich, sarcasm, unexpectedly, wealth, week, weekly

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Going viral on Messenger:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Just shared via Instagram:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

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Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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