Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Looks like those little troublemakers are getting rewarded for their exceptional skills in procrastination! Maybe it's time for them to earn their stripes… and do some chores! 🤣🏆💪"

day, day off, done, holiday, humor, kids, parenting, sarcasm, shit, veteran’s, Veteran’s Day, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

0

2 months ago

cooking, ever, food, garlic, here, humor, irony, joke, just, lie, myth, seasoning, think, vampire
That’s just brainslop. You only came up with that by thinking.

0

2 days ago

brain, came, humor, just, only, thinking, wit
Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

0

2 months ago

domination, good, humor, manners, nerd, over, remember, shame, silicon, Silicon Valley, taken, technology, valley, world, world domination
Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

0

2 months ago

boss, family, family joke, final, final boss, humor, incompetence, joke, literally, sibling, sibling humor, siblings, weaponized, weaponized incompetence, youngest, youngest sibling
The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

0

2 months ago

confidence, dating, humor, impressive, list, me, relationships, sleep, women
Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

0

2 months ago

contradiction, fitness, humor, need, pick, runner, side, smoke, smoking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Instagram this month:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

78 shares on X this month:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

53 shares on Slack this month:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

13 shares on Threads this month:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Spotted on Facebook:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Just shared via Discord:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Breaking via Discord:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

That’s just brainslop. You only came up with that by thinking.

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨