Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

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Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

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With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

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Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

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Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

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A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

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Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

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Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

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When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

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My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

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Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.