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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Trending via Threads:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Live now on Pinterest:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Trending via Telegram:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Just landed via Telegram:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Just shared via Reddit:

My life is based on a true story.

Broadcasted on Slack:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Shared recently on X:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.
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Commentary:
Atoms: breaking apart since the dawn of time, but still better at keeping secrets than I am at keeping WiFi connections stable! 😂🔌📶

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

20 shares on WeChat this month:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

90 shares on Slack this month:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,716

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

Trending via Twitch:

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

Trending via Instagram:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Just shared via X:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

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