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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,620

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Broadcasted on Slack:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Just shared via Reddit:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Just shared via Facebook:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Trending via Messenger:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Just landed via Instagram:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a selfie with extra steps! 📸😂

body, frustration, humor, i, own, photography, picture, pictures, self, selfie, step, take, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

0

5 months ago

cost, cost of living, economy, expensive, food, food price, humor, i, inflation, irony, just, living, love, minimum, minimum wage, policy, price, raise, wage, wage policy
My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, chasing, humor, own, playfulness, self-awareness, spirit, spirit animal, tail
Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

0

2 months ago

betrayal, bus, call, day, hard, humor, just, river, sarcasm, sell, someone, throwing
“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward conversation, conversation, funny question, going, grandparents, hate, heaven, humor, i, oh, okay, question, small, small talk, talk, think
I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

0

4 months ago

bustle, dally, dilly, humor, hustle, i, laziness, procrastination, relaxation
I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

0

3 months ago

account, bank, couple, humor, i, joint, joint bank account, kind, know, marriage, money, relationship, sex, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

77 shares on Slack this month:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

49 shares on X this month:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Sane is boring.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Just landed via TikTok:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Going viral on Instagram:

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Trending via Facebook:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Seen just now on Messenger:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Live now on WeChat:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨