Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.