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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,540

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Live now on Twitch:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Just shared via Messenger:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Trending via TikTok:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Just shared via Slack:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Just landed via Snapchat:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

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“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.
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Commentary:
Looks like I'm on the "work at all" plan 😅🛋️💤

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

32 shares on X this month:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,719

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Spotted on Instagram:

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

Just shared via X:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Just shared via YouTube:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Just shared via Telegram:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Live now on X:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

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