You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

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Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

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I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

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There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

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If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

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That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

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No amount of daylight can save us.

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For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

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My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

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50 shades of single.

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Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.