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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Making waves on Threads:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Just landed via Facebook:

lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Going viral on TikTok:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Shared recently on Instagram:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

12 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about the intense challenge of reading Dostoevsky, humorous and playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Surviving Dostoevsky should count as cardio! 📚💪😂

book, Dostoevsky, humor, literature, read, reading, survival, survive

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86 shares on Messenger this month:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We’ve got a shituation here.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

98 shares on Discord this month:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I have a yearning disability.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Spotted on Slack:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

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Activity Log ✨

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

I disagree with my politics.

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

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Activity Log ✨

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

I disagree with my politics.

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

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