Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,871

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Live now on Snapchat:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Seen just now on Discord:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Trending via Facebook:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Just shared via Discord:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Going bananas on Threads:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Just landed via YouTube:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Making waves on Instagram:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Breaking via Telegram:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

0
You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate challenge: a parking garage maze vs. a fearless driver! 🚗💨 Enter at your own risk, but beware of the twists and turns. 🔄 Who will emerge victorious: the concrete structure or the indomitable human spirit? 🤔💥 #ParkingGarageWars"

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Discord this month:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

84 shares on X this month:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

11 shares on X this month:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Salt is just angry sugar.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,751

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Spotted on Messenger:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Spotted on X:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Going bananas on TikTok:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Just landed via Twitch:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Making waves on Threads:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Just shared via Telegram:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴